I've been watching silently as something miraculous begins to slowly unfold in
my home.
As our delight-directed journey expands into new territories, I am
seeing the kids attach more deeply to us as parents. The two now are wedded in
my head and in my heart. I am absolutely not saying this is not possible with
other ways of schooling, I am just saying that for us the mix has been the
biggest blessing.
Our radical life of learning means that I am
intimately involved in my kids lives. Not in an intrusive "do this" sort of way,
but in a "watch me mom" way that little kids have. Just as a small child says
"watch me mom" a million times a day, through self-directed learning, I have those moments
all day every day.
My kids, no longer needing to fit into my mold, are
welcoming me into the lives they are molding.
We talk, we explore, we
live life full-force with each child, and they are allowing us to attach. We are
beginning a beautiful dance together as a family. The changes in all the
dynamics are so very good. My kids feel valuable as people and it is showing.
Their hearts are healing.
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Friday, November 29, 2013
Monday, November 4, 2013
Unschooling and Attachment....
Saturdays are often an emotional trigger
for me. I've noticed that it on Saturday that I'm highly likely to text a friend
that I am "not doing well." I battle depression pretty much every Saturday.
Why?
Because all four younger kids are home here with me. Mr.Mechanic triggers me the most. He has such poor self-esteem, that he spends a good part of the day angry at me. Everything I ask him to do is perceived as a battle on his part. It is difficult and my anxiety kicks into overload. Hubby often takes Mr.Mechanic to work with him, but that also leads to toxic behavior.
Yesterday the sun was shining and I desperately wanted to try meld these kids as siblings. There is almost constant bullying from BeastyBoy to Mr.Mechanic, and in turn, from Mr.Mechanic to MissesHerMama. But unless we address this head on by putting them together, we will remain fractured as a family.
The boys asked to go to a local skate park. We had not done this, and a big part of my unschooling has been to actively seek out activities exactly like this. So after some play time out in the sun, we took off for the skate park.
Mr.Mechanic...wow...the poor kid is willing to do ANYTHING to gain the approval of ANYONE. :( Finally it was just our family left at the park. We had some good discussions on friendship and how to appropriately answer when someone asks you to do something you don't want to. It was a good teaching moment. I tempered a few fires between the kids, and we just figured out how to play together.
MissesHerMama had a great idea for a game, and all of us got in on the action. We all had the giggles, and even Mr.Mechanic was able to take his turn without becoming angry.
At one point I turned around and I saw these four amazing kids looking back at me and I was just swept away. No matter what, I love them, and I will fight for them. The daily troubles can so easily drag me under, and I purposely froze this moment in my heart to hold on too.
Lots of laughter and love. A pop on the way home. Children each wanting to sit near me as we warmed up. Talking. A spontaneous hug from BeastyBoy, just because. Hugs and kisses.
Today I glimpsed redemption.
It is a marvelous gift.
Why?
Because all four younger kids are home here with me. Mr.Mechanic triggers me the most. He has such poor self-esteem, that he spends a good part of the day angry at me. Everything I ask him to do is perceived as a battle on his part. It is difficult and my anxiety kicks into overload. Hubby often takes Mr.Mechanic to work with him, but that also leads to toxic behavior.
Yesterday the sun was shining and I desperately wanted to try meld these kids as siblings. There is almost constant bullying from BeastyBoy to Mr.Mechanic, and in turn, from Mr.Mechanic to MissesHerMama. But unless we address this head on by putting them together, we will remain fractured as a family.
The boys asked to go to a local skate park. We had not done this, and a big part of my unschooling has been to actively seek out activities exactly like this. So after some play time out in the sun, we took off for the skate park.
Mr.Mechanic...wow...the poor kid is willing to do ANYTHING to gain the approval of ANYONE. :( Finally it was just our family left at the park. We had some good discussions on friendship and how to appropriately answer when someone asks you to do something you don't want to. It was a good teaching moment. I tempered a few fires between the kids, and we just figured out how to play together.
MissesHerMama had a great idea for a game, and all of us got in on the action. We all had the giggles, and even Mr.Mechanic was able to take his turn without becoming angry.
At one point I turned around and I saw these four amazing kids looking back at me and I was just swept away. No matter what, I love them, and I will fight for them. The daily troubles can so easily drag me under, and I purposely froze this moment in my heart to hold on too.
Lots of laughter and love. A pop on the way home. Children each wanting to sit near me as we warmed up. Talking. A spontaneous hug from BeastyBoy, just because. Hugs and kisses.
Today I glimpsed redemption.
It is a marvelous gift.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Extraordinary....
“Do not ask your children
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
― William Martin
to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable,
but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder
and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting
tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry
when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure
in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
― William Martin
Friday, October 18, 2013
And We're Off....
Today as each of my kids woke up, I asked them what they wanted to do (don't worry, I won't be asking them this forever, just wanted them to realize today was going to be something new and wonderful :)). They were
all a little taken aback, and all pretty excited too.
Actually they were giddy. :)
MissesHerMama is always the first up and rolling. She did timed multiplication on the computer for "fun". She loves racing a timer in math and trying to beat her last score. :) As she's doing it, she says to me, "did you know that if you take an odd number times 5 it always ends with a 5?"
Uh...what?!? 0_o
So I did it in my head and sure enough! I asked her, "and what if its an even number?". Without missing a beat, she says, "it ends in a 0."
Wow.
Ok then!
I said to her, "gosh girl! You are pretty darn good at math!". She was just beaming. Then she asked if she could learn about Alaska. I had no idea she had any interest in Alaska. She rabbit-trailed on over to learning about Anchorage ("boring"), the Iditarod ("awesome mom!") And the Alaskan Aurora Borealis ("wow mom, look mom!!!"). She went on to google Guatemala and loved looking through all the pictures she found! She did some math in her math book and played some. She loves this unschooling. :)
Corazon and Beasty Boy woke while MissesHerMama was flipping through pictures of Guatemala. Beasty Boy taught MissesHerMama all about the volcanoes in Guatemala and they all 3 talked about the Quetzal, the national bird. They looked at pictures of Tikal and the ancient ruins.
Beasty Boy asked to do his Tornado unit study so I let him. He rabbit-trailed all over the internet watching tornado videos and waterspout videos and "snownado" videos. It was pretty cool to see. Beasty Boy was never told once to "get back to his work" or "focus on what you're doing." He looked up definitions in the dictionary and copied some Bible passages. He's getting pretty good at looking things up on the online dictionary! His reading is moving along very rapidly.
After going outside for awhile, he went in and worked on his drawing. The kid is incredibly talented! He was trying out color blending. Impressive stuff.
After all that he decided to watch an anime show he found. The voices are in Chinese. He said to me, "mom, this is a good way to learn Chinese."
Again...mind blown.
And Corazon...
She has the hardest time right now with unschooling, and yet...today she did some math in her workbook and worked on her lapbook. She looked up music online and helped me cook. Being in the kitchen with me is by far her favorite thing right now. She's picking up math, reading, and basic chemistry. :) She loves reading the recipe and she loves to be by me! She is watching the BBC series "Merlin" and is learning a whole heck of a lot about Medieval history and such.
Alll this makes me wonder, why did I ever question this? Why did I see school as the only thing of value? Why did I see my kids as "behind" when in reality they just needed someone to walk alongside as they became their own amazing people. I see their self-confidence just exploding. They are amazing.
The bonus for me as a mom who is always, always working on my kids' attachment is that their hearts are seeing that I see them and because I see them, they are feeling valuable and worthy. No small task for kiddos that deeply grieve the losses they have had.
For me, it's a win-win lifestyle. I hope and pray I can remember this all on the days when I feel discouraged.
Actually they were giddy. :)
MissesHerMama is always the first up and rolling. She did timed multiplication on the computer for "fun". She loves racing a timer in math and trying to beat her last score. :) As she's doing it, she says to me, "did you know that if you take an odd number times 5 it always ends with a 5?"
Uh...what?!? 0_o
So I did it in my head and sure enough! I asked her, "and what if its an even number?". Without missing a beat, she says, "it ends in a 0."
Wow.
Ok then!
I said to her, "gosh girl! You are pretty darn good at math!". She was just beaming. Then she asked if she could learn about Alaska. I had no idea she had any interest in Alaska. She rabbit-trailed on over to learning about Anchorage ("boring"), the Iditarod ("awesome mom!") And the Alaskan Aurora Borealis ("wow mom, look mom!!!"). She went on to google Guatemala and loved looking through all the pictures she found! She did some math in her math book and played some. She loves this unschooling. :)
Corazon and Beasty Boy woke while MissesHerMama was flipping through pictures of Guatemala. Beasty Boy taught MissesHerMama all about the volcanoes in Guatemala and they all 3 talked about the Quetzal, the national bird. They looked at pictures of Tikal and the ancient ruins.
Beasty Boy asked to do his Tornado unit study so I let him. He rabbit-trailed all over the internet watching tornado videos and waterspout videos and "snownado" videos. It was pretty cool to see. Beasty Boy was never told once to "get back to his work" or "focus on what you're doing." He looked up definitions in the dictionary and copied some Bible passages. He's getting pretty good at looking things up on the online dictionary! His reading is moving along very rapidly.
After going outside for awhile, he went in and worked on his drawing. The kid is incredibly talented! He was trying out color blending. Impressive stuff.
After all that he decided to watch an anime show he found. The voices are in Chinese. He said to me, "mom, this is a good way to learn Chinese."
Again...mind blown.
And Corazon...
She has the hardest time right now with unschooling, and yet...today she did some math in her workbook and worked on her lapbook. She looked up music online and helped me cook. Being in the kitchen with me is by far her favorite thing right now. She's picking up math, reading, and basic chemistry. :) She loves reading the recipe and she loves to be by me! She is watching the BBC series "Merlin" and is learning a whole heck of a lot about Medieval history and such.
Alll this makes me wonder, why did I ever question this? Why did I see school as the only thing of value? Why did I see my kids as "behind" when in reality they just needed someone to walk alongside as they became their own amazing people. I see their self-confidence just exploding. They are amazing.
The bonus for me as a mom who is always, always working on my kids' attachment is that their hearts are seeing that I see them and because I see them, they are feeling valuable and worthy. No small task for kiddos that deeply grieve the losses they have had.
For me, it's a win-win lifestyle. I hope and pray I can remember this all on the days when I feel discouraged.
Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1Cor. 15:58
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
Come Along...
I'm not even sure how to begin this blog because there's so much swirling in my
head.
For anyone coming here who is looking for an ally in an adoption of an older child, I pray this is a good and safe place for you to be. For anyone coming here who is blatantly anti-adoption, I hope you feel welcome too. I have a lot of really strong, and really mixed up feelings regarding what I now believe about adoption vs what I used to believe. I hope you bear with me as I learn, and grow, and sort through those feelings. The things I understand to be true today, may completely broadside me as false tomorrow.
We are entering a place where my kiddos are facing racism and struggling to find their worth. There are some very bad people in this world. And there are some very good ones. I am a white mom of Hispanic, and black, and white children. What does this mean for me? For them? I'm not sure.
My faith has changed. I was very close to completely rejecting my beliefs and my church. I am still working on that one. Having taken a radical step back, I am now inching forward and finding my faith to be something that is very much a mystery to me. I'm ok with that.
And in the midst of all the deep and rambling thoughts, I also hope you see the other side of me. The one that loves to be outside. The one that is journeying towards whole food. The one that would really love to learn more about healing with God's good earth. The one with a wicked and sarcastic sense of humor. And the one that is Laura Ingalls at heart. Homeschooler, mom of kids in school, grandma of the most beautiful baby in the world.
I am not who I used to be. As this life continually beats me down, I am finding that I am stronger than I thought. I have so much to learn yet.
So what is this blog about??
I guess if you come along with me, we'll both find out. :)
For anyone coming here who is looking for an ally in an adoption of an older child, I pray this is a good and safe place for you to be. For anyone coming here who is blatantly anti-adoption, I hope you feel welcome too. I have a lot of really strong, and really mixed up feelings regarding what I now believe about adoption vs what I used to believe. I hope you bear with me as I learn, and grow, and sort through those feelings. The things I understand to be true today, may completely broadside me as false tomorrow.
We are entering a place where my kiddos are facing racism and struggling to find their worth. There are some very bad people in this world. And there are some very good ones. I am a white mom of Hispanic, and black, and white children. What does this mean for me? For them? I'm not sure.
My faith has changed. I was very close to completely rejecting my beliefs and my church. I am still working on that one. Having taken a radical step back, I am now inching forward and finding my faith to be something that is very much a mystery to me. I'm ok with that.
And in the midst of all the deep and rambling thoughts, I also hope you see the other side of me. The one that loves to be outside. The one that is journeying towards whole food. The one that would really love to learn more about healing with God's good earth. The one with a wicked and sarcastic sense of humor. And the one that is Laura Ingalls at heart. Homeschooler, mom of kids in school, grandma of the most beautiful baby in the world.
I am not who I used to be. As this life continually beats me down, I am finding that I am stronger than I thought. I have so much to learn yet.
So what is this blog about??
I guess if you come along with me, we'll both find out. :)
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