Unschooling and Attachment....

Saturdays are often an emotional trigger for me. I've noticed that it on Saturday that I'm highly likely to text a friend that I am "not doing well." I battle depression pretty much every Saturday.

Why?

Because all four younger kids are home here with me. Mr.Mechanic triggers me the most. He has such poor self-esteem, that he spends a good part of the day angry at me. Everything I ask him to do is perceived as a battle on his part. It is difficult and my anxiety kicks into overload. Hubby often takes Mr.Mechanic to work with him, but that also leads to toxic behavior.

Yesterday the sun was shining and I desperately wanted to try meld these kids as siblings. There is almost constant bullying from BeastyBoy to Mr.Mechanic, and in turn, from Mr.Mechanic to MissesHerMama. But unless we address this head on by putting them together, we will remain fractured as a family.

The boys asked to go to a local skate park. We had not done this, and a big part of my unschooling has been to actively seek out activities exactly like this. So after some play time out in the sun, we took off for the skate park.

Mr.Mechanic...wow...the poor kid is willing to do ANYTHING to gain the approval of ANYONE. :( Finally it was just our family left at the park. We had some good discussions on friendship and how to appropriately answer when someone asks you to do something you don't want to. It was a good teaching moment. I tempered a few fires between the kids, and we just figured out how to play together.

MissesHerMama had a great idea for a game, and all of us got in on the action. We all had the giggles, and even Mr.Mechanic was able to take his turn without becoming angry.

At one point I turned around and I saw these four amazing kids looking back at me and I was just swept away. No matter what, I love them, and I will fight for them. The daily troubles can so easily drag me under, and I purposely froze this moment in my heart to hold on too.

Lots of laughter and love. A pop on the way home. Children each wanting to sit near me as we warmed up. Talking. A spontaneous hug from BeastyBoy, just because. Hugs and kisses.

Today I glimpsed redemption.

It is a marvelous gift.