Ramblings...

There are a lot of moments I feel pretty good about unschooling. Where I think, hey, this is some good stuff.

But...

I am realizing the moments that I feel ok about things are the moments where I can quantify my kids" learning. Where I can mark off that box and say, "today they did math" or "today they looked up states after looking at the globe",

What I don't feel good about yet, and what I really struggle with, are the moments where they aren't "doing anything". The moments where they are wandering around aimlessly. Or just sitting at the table doing nothing and bored. The moments where they follow me around ceaselessly.

I find myself irritated with them, telling them to "go find something to do."

Yeah. :/

Not cool.

I am afraid that I convey to them that they are not "ok" and learning unless I can see something visible. This is not what I want. Not at all.

For me personally, unschooling is much harder than homeschooling. It means that relationship absolutely positively comes first. That my own issues with being an introvert who shies away from deep intimacy, are vomited up all over the place.

I have to learn to do this so that my kids will be ok doing this.

I have to learn to be in their world. I have to learn to be honest about my own shortcomings. I have to stop projecting my own fears onto them. I have to stop and just be with them. I have to learn to say yes.

Yes.

Yes.

Unschooling is so natural.

Unschooling is so difficult.

My kids need this.

But sometimes I think I need it more.

I thank God for my son who refused to play by the rules and instead forced us onto this path.